Dr. Norm Cares

Teenage Crushes on Teachers

In my clinical opinion, many adolescent girls have crushes on teachers. The girls are especially vulnerable to those teachers who are younger than their parent and certainly a little older then they are. I call this attraction "prestigious attraction." The girl is enamored with their teacher whom they believe is smarter, and more worldly then their parents. They envision this person as the Messiah and the one who can somehow take them away from their dull and pointless life.

This relationship can be especially dangerous if the teacher has a neurotic need to be admired and "adored." Perhaps because of their own neurotic turmoil that is present in their life, they look to this vulnerable teen as their own way out of their dismal crisis. The teacher and teen may then fantasies and they create a relationship built on psychopathological needs.

If the teen is especially a moderate or sub-dominate individual, she will be more highly susceptible to the influence of a more dominate and charismatic "leader." The result may lead to tragic consequences for all.

Stressed-out Parents!

Here is what I had to say to the Associated Press:

Parents of teens watch Nebraska safe haven law

http://tinyurl.com/67gtvq

 "Parents are almost always blamed," said Dr. Norman Hoffman, a family therapist in Ormond Beach, Fla., and author of the book "Bad Children Can Happen to Good Parents."

 "It's like, `What did I do wrong?' But there's hope in every city and every state. It's just a matter of understanding the ways in which to work with the system. You have to fight, you have to scream and shout for services."

 Stressed-out parents with meager finances, little education or language barriers may have trouble navigating often complicated procedures and paperwork to seek help, either through government agencies or private organizations, Hoffman said. And shame may hold some of them back, allowing defiant, drug-using or otherwise troubled young people to spin out of control.

 

Yet Hoffman considers the notion of abandoning an older child under safe haven "barbaric" and "primitive" when free or low-cost treatment and intervention is available. Parents in a variety of life circumstances agreed."

 

Uncaring Children

Kids who give "nothing back" to their parents, in spite of being provided all of their
needs, love, affection, etc. should be considered "Uncaring Children." This is not to say however, that they can't be reached and changed. To get the child to change this uncaring behavior, the parents must first, change the playing field. The parents must get their "power" back and make the child experience "discomfort" while the parents "feel fine" or "comfortable." This task is easily accomplished by setting up clear and consistent objectives, i.e., take out the trash every Tuesday and Friday before 6:30PM. If the chore is not performed, the parents will enact the effective and powerful technique, as outlined in my book, "Over-correction." This technique is simple a catastrophic intelligent response to the child's lack of cooperation. The child must complete 5 chores while grounded in a twenty-four hour period. If the chores are not accomplished, the grounding continues until satisfactory completion.